fruit of the gods one may say as i cut in to a ripe pear, sweet and refreshing it has been to long as i try to think of the last time i had one. For that mader what elese have not done in a long time that used to make me happy. happyness chages over the year as does everything i spose.
i think it is time to remenber what makes me happy...
Monday, March 16, 2009
Saturday, March 14, 2009
a night on the town
3/13/09
Getting old.
I went to a 30th Birthday party tonight, a friend i have not seen in about 6 months. it was late when i got there around 9:30 or so when i came to a door. sounds of a party started to make my mind turn to, sex and drinking games.i walked in to see what was up when i was seen by the birthday boy, a "about time" came from his mouth as walk in the door. i wished him a happy B-day as we started walking. i walked behind the birthday boy as we made are way to the living room, where i was looking at what look to be a group of drunks. i was longing to join in with them, start drinking form the keg, no not a half Berlle but a full KEG, of Coolers. there was like some kind of power in the room drawing everyone around it, like pigs to the feed. i was handed a cup as i made my way to the keg. i fulled the cup with the beer said who's up for "Beer Pong." i called out Joe to be my partner as two other girls said they would take us on. they started talking there shit and making up dumb ass rules as girls always do. Joe and i kick their ass and play like a around robin tournament. we just could not lose, 5 games or so in we findley lost. the game started to get old as if i have done this before. I told Joe i was going to go smoke and asked if he wanted one, it was as if i asked everyone to come. we all made are way outside to smoke. it was weird as if something in side me said this was it. this is all i have become in 25 years of life just a drunk ring leader in a pointless party of life. for the first time in a long time i felt alone in it, and not apart of it. i looked at everyone a little different. i could tell the out come of the night, who was going home with who, what guys were high, what girls were drunk. tryed to talk to people but everything they said was like hearing a song over and over again. It was all old news, just the names were different.
i put my beer down and left...
Getting old.
I went to a 30th Birthday party tonight, a friend i have not seen in about 6 months. it was late when i got there around 9:30 or so when i came to a door. sounds of a party started to make my mind turn to, sex and drinking games.i walked in to see what was up when i was seen by the birthday boy, a "about time" came from his mouth as walk in the door. i wished him a happy B-day as we started walking. i walked behind the birthday boy as we made are way to the living room, where i was looking at what look to be a group of drunks. i was longing to join in with them, start drinking form the keg, no not a half Berlle but a full KEG, of Coolers. there was like some kind of power in the room drawing everyone around it, like pigs to the feed. i was handed a cup as i made my way to the keg. i fulled the cup with the beer said who's up for "Beer Pong." i called out Joe to be my partner as two other girls said they would take us on. they started talking there shit and making up dumb ass rules as girls always do. Joe and i kick their ass and play like a around robin tournament. we just could not lose, 5 games or so in we findley lost. the game started to get old as if i have done this before. I told Joe i was going to go smoke and asked if he wanted one, it was as if i asked everyone to come. we all made are way outside to smoke. it was weird as if something in side me said this was it. this is all i have become in 25 years of life just a drunk ring leader in a pointless party of life. for the first time in a long time i felt alone in it, and not apart of it. i looked at everyone a little different. i could tell the out come of the night, who was going home with who, what guys were high, what girls were drunk. tryed to talk to people but everything they said was like hearing a song over and over again. It was all old news, just the names were different.
i put my beer down and left...
Thursday, February 26, 2009
A Smile
Feb 27 2009
My day was like any other, wake up not wanting to get out of bed. a shower that was not long enough, a half ass shave. running to the car a on a rain day, trying to think if i forgot something.
clocking in a minute late, not have time to buy a soda. i logged in to my computer i looked at the Que, 57, 59, 58. i grab my headset as i hit ready, a late sixes year old woman. a little confused about what was going on, a little scared in her voice. As she told me what was wrong. i could feel her voice start to lift as i started to talk. i told her she was going to back up and running it about 5 minutes all we need to do it restart your modem, and Logan to your modem to change a few thing. i think the call toke around 8 or so minutes but in the end she was telling me about her poker game and that she only play on yahoo and a little about her life story. i could feel her smiling on the other end of the phone. As if all she want was to tell some, just to let some know she was still there. It made my whole day know that is little old lady was playing her poker game.
My day was like any other, wake up not wanting to get out of bed. a shower that was not long enough, a half ass shave. running to the car a on a rain day, trying to think if i forgot something.
clocking in a minute late, not have time to buy a soda. i logged in to my computer i looked at the Que, 57, 59, 58. i grab my headset as i hit ready, a late sixes year old woman. a little confused about what was going on, a little scared in her voice. As she told me what was wrong. i could feel her voice start to lift as i started to talk. i told her she was going to back up and running it about 5 minutes all we need to do it restart your modem, and Logan to your modem to change a few thing. i think the call toke around 8 or so minutes but in the end she was telling me about her poker game and that she only play on yahoo and a little about her life story. i could feel her smiling on the other end of the phone. As if all she want was to tell some, just to let some know she was still there. It made my whole day know that is little old lady was playing her poker game.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Alone
FEB 26 12:43am 2009
Alone
As i sit here thinking of the day i will never get back, 24 hours of my life that was just anther block in the wall of life. i sit here looking back at it and all the other blocks. that i have made over the years, some i made when i was down like that day that my girl friend told me it was over. some when i happy my first blind date that did not end for 4 days, but most of them are when i was alone were it was just me. waking up alone, making dinner for one, going to the movies and only ording one ticket. the hardest ones are the days no one asked you how your day was. i walk the streets looking at couples holding hands, laughing and just smiling. i almost feel a little part of me just wanting to cry. i look at myself and ask why not me, when is it my turn to feel the embrace of a warm touch, a fight about the toylet set being up, a sleepless night talking about a her crappy day at work, waking up knowing the first person you see is someone that loves you. when will it be my day.
my wall is my own
i build it by myself
but i would love some help
Alone
As i sit here thinking of the day i will never get back, 24 hours of my life that was just anther block in the wall of life. i sit here looking back at it and all the other blocks. that i have made over the years, some i made when i was down like that day that my girl friend told me it was over. some when i happy my first blind date that did not end for 4 days, but most of them are when i was alone were it was just me. waking up alone, making dinner for one, going to the movies and only ording one ticket. the hardest ones are the days no one asked you how your day was. i walk the streets looking at couples holding hands, laughing and just smiling. i almost feel a little part of me just wanting to cry. i look at myself and ask why not me, when is it my turn to feel the embrace of a warm touch, a fight about the toylet set being up, a sleepless night talking about a her crappy day at work, waking up knowing the first person you see is someone that loves you. when will it be my day.
my wall is my own
i build it by myself
but i would love some help
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